Racial Microaggressions and the Asian American Experience

By Derald Wing Sue et al.
Excerpted from "Racial Microaggressions and the Asian American Experience"
Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology
January 2007

[Editor's Note: A recent study by five Columbia University researchers led by Professor Derald Wing Sue identified the following eight common themes that arose in Asian Americans' lived experiences of race.]

Theme 1: Alien in Own Land

This theme emerges from both focus groups and can be described as a microaggression which embodies the assumption that all Asian Americans are foreigners or foreign-born. An example of this theme was universally voiced by Asian Americans of all ethnicities and manifested in questions or remarks like “Where are you from?” “Where were you born?” or “You speak good English.”

The participants were often torn between whether the comments were well intentioned expressions of interest in them or perceptions that they were foreigners and did not belong in America. Furthermore, the meaning construed by recipients is that they were different, less than, and could not possibly be “real” Americans. That this phenomenon has empirical reality was a finding that White Americans, on an implicit level, equated “White” and “American” with one another while Asian and African Americans were less likely associated with the term “American” (De Vos & Banaji, 2005).

On the whole, the participants did not see the questions or “compliments” as benign and curious, but disturbing and uncomfortable. One Chinese American participant shared that while she was working in a restaurant, a White customer came in and attempted to converse with her in Japanese. She interpreted the behavior as the person perceiving her as a foreigner and not fluent in English. Worse yet, the person could not distinguish between Chinese and Japanese Americans. The focus group members did not perceive the intent of the questions to be overtly malevolent. They believed the person might have been attempting to establish a relationship with the Chinese American and might have wanted to indicate that he was not like other White Americans and could speak an Asian language.
Theme 2: Ascription of Intelligence

This theme also emerges from both focus groups. It is described as a microaggression that occurs when a degree of intelligence is assigned to an Asian American based on his/her race. Many of the participants describe teachers and fellow students making statements such as “You are really good at math,” “You people always do well in school,” or “If I see lots of Asian students in my class, I know it's going to be a hard class.” The message conveyed is that all Asians are bright and smart, especially in math and science. Interestingly, the work on stereotype threat suggests that this belief is shared by many Whites, and that it may actually depress academic performance among them when in the presence of Asian Americans (Steele, 1997; Steele & Aronson, 1995).

The participants believed that the conscious intent of these statements was to compliment Asian Americans, since being good at math was perceived by aggressors as a positive quality. However, the impact of assuming Asian Americans are good at math can be harmful. Participants describe feeling pressured to conform to a stereotype that they did not endorse, particularly if they were not good at math or did not enjoy it. In essence, they expressed feelings of being trapped. One Korean woman, for example, describes her coworkers bringing every math question for her to solve. Not only did it seem to operate from a stereotype, but it added pressure to help them, and resulted in a heavier workload for the woman. She also expressed discomfort at another major side effect: Asian Americans were viewed as intelligent while other people of color were perceived as less intelligent. It created tensions between her and other Black and Latino coworkers.
Theme 3: Denial of Racial Reality

Participants of all Asian ethnic backgrounds share that many microaggressions invalidate their experiences of discrimination. In one case, a Vietnamese American male was told that “Asians are the new Whites.” The participant in the study indicated that the remark dismissed his experiences of racism, indicated that Asians experience no discrimination, suggested inequities do not exist for Asians, and that they have made it in society. In other words, the Vietnamese male felt that the perpetrator saw Asians as a model minority, similar to Whites and experience minimal socioeconomic or educational disadvantages. While the intent of the aggressor may be to compliment the Asian American individual by saying that Asians are more successful than other people of color, the negating message is that Asians do not experience racism—denying their experiential reality of bias and discrimination.
Theme 4: Exoticization of Asian American Women

A fourth theme found in both focus groups is exoticization of Asian American women who are relegated to an exotic category. One Chinese American woman stated, “White men believe that Asian women are great girlfriends, wait hand and foot on men, and don't back-talk or give them shit. Asian women have beautiful skin and are just sexy and have silky hair.” One Korean American woman indicated that she is frequently approached by White men who are very forthcoming with their “Asian fetishes” of subservience and pleasing them sexually. Nearly all members of the focus groups interpreted these microaggressions as indicating that Asian women are only needed for the physical needs of White men and nothing more. Again, participants felt that the intent of the aggressor in these situations may be to praise Asian women for their ability to take care of a man's every need. One participant was quite vocal in stating that the continual subjugation of Asian American women to roles of sexual objects, domestic servants, and exotic images of Geishas, ultimately “equates our identities to that of passive companions to White men.” Many of the participants also suggested that the exotic image of Asian American women also serves as an unconscious backlash to feminist values and that it potentially creates antagonism with White women as well.
Theme 5: Invalidation of Interethnic Differences

This theme is most closely associated with the statement: “All Asians look alike.” One Filipino American woman states, “I am always asked are you Chinese?” Another example of this is conveyed by a Chinese American who stated that new acquaintances oftentimes make statements like, “Oh, my ex-girlfriend was Chinese, or my neighbor was Japanese.” These microaggressions tend to minimize or deny differences that may exist between interethnic groups or the existence of other Asian American groups. Participants believed the microaggression suggests that all Asian Americans are alike and that differences between groups do not exist and/or do not matter. The intent of the aggressor in this situation is to express that they are familiar with Asians, but instead the message received is that the aggressor assumes that all Asians are Chinese or Japanese. Moreover, it is assumed by the aggressor that most Asians are familiar with each other, regardless of their Asian ethnic background.
Theme 6: Pathologizing Cultural Values/Communication Styles

Another microaggression theme involves the perception of cultural values and communication styles other than that of the White majority as being less desirable or indicators of deficits. One Chinese American woman expressed exasperation at how class participation (usually verbal) is valued strongly in academic settings and that grades are often based upon it. Because of Asian cultural values that emphasize the value of silence, less verbal Asians are often perceived as lacking in interest, disengaged, or inattentive by the teacher. Many of the participants felt disadvantaged, for example, when verbal participation in class was graded. They felt forced to conform to Western norms and values (“talking more”) when such behavior violated their cultural upbringing. Although the Asian participants could see that educators might be attempting to enforce an objective grading standard, they unintentionally negated traditional Asian cultural values and penalized their Asian American students. Another example was relayed by a Vietnamese American male who describes being derided and teased by friends for using chopsticks as a utensil. He stated that the message was quite clear; eating with forks, knives, and spoons is the right/correct way to eat and “the American way.”
Theme 7: Second Class Citizenship

Being treated as a lesser being or second class citizen was another common experience. A number of Asian Americans relayed similar stories of Whites being given preferential treatment as consumers over Asian American customers. A typical story involved a Korean American female who told of dining with White friends. Although she frequently ordered the wine, it is usually her friends who are asked to taste and approve the wine selection. She would often feel snubbed because Whites were believed to more knowledgeable about wine, and their opinions were more important. Another Asian American woman described how her eight family members were taken to a table to the back of the restaurant, even though there were available tables elsewhere. She interpreted the action to mean that they were lesser customers and did not deserve a table in the front of the restaurant. The message, they believed was that Asian Americans are not deserving of good service and are lesser than their White counterparts.
Theme 8: Invisibility

This theme is used to label incidents that involve the experience of being overlooked without the conscious intention of the aggressor. Experiences with the theme of invisibility are commonplace among Asian American individuals of all ethnic groups who share that they were often left out whenever issues of race were discussed or acknowledged. One Chinese American female stated, “Like even most race dialogues are like very Black and White…like sometimes I feel like there's a lot of talk about Black and White, and there's a huge Asian population here and where do we fit into that?” Another example involved an Asian American appointed to a committee and having someone suggest that they needed “to appoint a person of color” to the group as well. The messages being conveyed were that Asians are not an ethnic minority group, experience little or no discrimination, and that their racial concerns are unimportant. In addition, the Asian participants felt trapped in that when issues of race are discussed, they were considered like Whites, but never fully accepted by their White peers.
Experiences of Microaggressions

Most of the participants acknowledged that the majority of those who engaged in microaggressions did so unintentionally, and the perpetrators often perceived their own remarks or actions in a positive light (interest in the Asian American person: “Where were you born?”). Nevertheless, most of the Asian American participants were clear that the remarks reflected a biased worldview that tended to communicate something negative and disrespectful about their group. In general, it appears that most of the Asian American participants experienced psychological conflict and distress because of several dilemmas they faced.

First, they remarked that it was often difficult to determine whether a microaggression occurred. Were they being oversensitive or misreading the remarks or questions? They described spending considerable psychic energy trying to discern the motives of the person and/or dealing with inner turmoil and agitation caused by the event. A few stated that it was often easier to deal with a clearly overt act of bias than microaggressions that often created a “guessing game.”

Second, most of the racial microagressions that occurred came from peers, neighbors, friends or authority figures. It disturbed them that personal or respected acquaintances could make such insensitive or hurtful remarks. What bothered them most, however, was their occasional tendency to “make excuses” for friends by rationalizing away their biases and by denying their own racial reality. Although we did not specifically explore the differential impact of microaggressions from acquaintances versus strangers, it appears that some of the participants felt that microaggressive behaviors were easier to handle and less problematic when they came from strangers.

Third, many expressed severe conflict about whether to respond to microaggressions given that most were unintentional and outside the level of awareness of the perpetrator. Pointing out a microaggression to a friend, for example, generally resulted in denial, defensiveness, and a negative outcome for the relationship. A few shared that they simply were at a loss of how to respond, or that the incident occurred so quickly a chance for some sort of intervention had long passed. They described being angered and upset without any recourse other than to “stew on it.” Some indicated being especially angry at themselves when they finally thought of what they could have said or done (“Damn it, that's what I should have said.”) Again, we did not explore this aspect of the participants' inner turmoil; blaming themselves for not having a comeback and having to deal with the agitation for a prolonged period of time. We can only conclude that the emotional turmoil could be long lasting and take a psychological toll on the recipient.

Last, deciding to respond also had major consequences. Some of the informants stated that responding with anger, striking back, or confronting the person generally did no good. It only served to make the victim appear “paranoid” or suggest that the responder had some major personal problem.
References

De Vos, T., & Banaji, M. R. (2005). "American = White?" Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88, 447–466.

Steele, C. M. (1997). "A threat in the air: How stereotypes shape intellectual identity and performance." American Psychologist, 52, 613–629.

Steele, C. M., & Aronson, J. (1995). "Stereotype threat and the intellectual test performance of African Americans." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 797–811.

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Guy Talk

A. Magazine
March/April 1997

Round up six diverse, dynamic, and talkative Asian American men on a cold December day. Lock them into a conference room for three hours with a list of provocative questions, a tape recorder, and just enough liquor to get the answers out quicker. The topics? Self-image, stereotypes, relationships, family, and -- oh, did we forget sex? What do you get? Bold, courageous, and sometimes outrageous talk about what makes Asian American men tick today. Here is a (very edited) record of their discussion.

The men:

STEVE 23, gay Chinese/German American computer consultant

VICTOR 35, straight, divorced, Indian/Trinidadian American schoolteacher and diversity trainer

GREG 23, straight Chinese/Cambodian American dancer

RICHARD 24, straight Filipino American performance artist

ANDREW 26, straight Chinese American reporter

CHIRS 26, gay Korean American graduate student and teacher

CHRIS: I have to say that this is not a common thing for me, to be sitting around, chatting about Asian male issues with other Asian males. Much of the milieu I find myself in now, be it in in my academic discipline, which is political science, or my activism around gay issues, most of the faces are white. So this is somewhat of a new experience.

VICTOR: I find myself hungering for the experience of being around Asian men. It's not typical for me, since I came to the U.S. without my family to go to college, I've been in relative isolation from Asian communities. Being around Asian men and exploring issues of identity together has helped me find a way back to a part of myself I don't think I consciously acknowledged before two or three years ago. It's changed my thinking, the way I do things, the people I seek out for friends, the kinds of decisions I make at work.

STEVE: You mentioned having a racial identity with your family. My mom is white and my dad is Asian, so I can't really look to my parents for that kind of identity. When I was in college, joining the Asian Student Union, they'd all be walking around talking in Mandarin and Cantonese, and they wouldn't talk to me. I can't speak it, because my dad never spoke it to my mom, so they never spoke it to me, and I never learned it.

RICHARD: Do you think yourself to be more Asian or American, or do you even think about it like that?

STEVE: I feel like I didn't have the option of choosing one or the other, although growing up, I felt the desire to be less Asian and to run away from Asian identity. Until I was in the seventh grade, when I heard my friends, who were all white, talking about a "chink factor." They turned to me, saying, "Oh, I didn't mean to offend you. Your mom is Korean, right?" I thought, "What are you talking about?"

ANDREW: I was born here, and growing up, there were some Asians I knew and was friends with. But I think in the overall scheme of things, I probably feel more comfortable with mixed company, actually, with people from different backgrounds. When I'm with a lot of other Asians, I feel a little bit uncomfortable. If I go to one of those big Asian parties, I feel like that's not who I am.

VICTOR: I too, am highly assimilated by virtue of language, cultural style. I've adapted to the dominant culture and to what the messages have been in terms of how to be, what you need to do to be successful. After college, I married a white woman. We're divorced now, but I can certainly say that I was in love with her. But what I see now, in retrospect, is that I was not fully me. It was sort of a chameleon act, taking on an identity that made me palatable, culturally, to her family. Religion was a big issue between us. She was Christian and I had always resisted Christianity, because I always felt that Christianity and colonization had gone together. I don't regret the experience. I love the child from our marriage, and I am raising him together with her. But trying to make that work, living with a European American woman again, I'm not sure I would be able to make that choice.

STEVE: People talk about the gay closet, but a lot of us had to deal with accepting and identifying as Asian. I went through it myself, wanting to be white and demolish all aspects of my being half-Asian. And for me, having a not so great relationship with my Dad, who is Asian, and just rejecting him and all he represents. And going into college and saying I don't want to be part of a ghettoized Asian Students Union. I was on the crew team for a while, and it was all white. But at some point I realized I couldn't be all white. I tried to, and it didn't work. What helped me, coming out of the Asian closet, was coming out of the gay closet. From my upbringing, I'm only attracted to white people. I went to San Francisco and then I heard about "rice queens," people who are only attracted to Asians. Seeing that there are people out there who solely look for Asians, and reevaluating myself along with my gay identity, I came to terms with part of my Asian identity. I think that's important when it comes to your identity, to come to terms with who you are attracted to.

ANDREW: It seems like attraction is something you can't control at all. But a real turning point for me was when I spent a semester in Hong Kong with my mother's family. Before that, I had mostly gone out with Caucasian women and a few Asian women when I got to college. But in Hong Kong, all the images, the advertising, the media, it's 99 percent Asian. And all the ideals of beauty and femininity, it's Asian. Without even thinking about it, when I came back to school, I became a lot more attracted to Asian women and since then I've almost exclusively dated Asian.

CHRIS: I am attracted to who I am attracted to, and that is nothing I have control over. In the gay male community, Asian males are either non-existent or exoticized and very submissive. The amount of self-hatred I can now retrospectively see I was exhibiting, in terms of having a very viscerally uncomfortable reaction to other gay Asian males, or being approached by, or hit on, by other Asian men, only just recently, the last three or four years, have I begun to understand that much of this aversion was culturally conditioned. I think in terms of what I now find attractive, it has changed a little bit.

VICTOR: I am actually sort of in a bizarre period of my life where I am no longer finding white people beautiful. It's the strangest thing. I'm on the subway or the bus, walking on the street, and saying, these people are so ugly. It's not coming from my head; it's coming from somewhere else. I'mlooking at East Asian women, South Asian women, black women, and I'm discovering a whole repertoire of beauty that either I was blind to or no one taught me about or it was just beaten out of me.

STEVE: It's funny. I find that same process, looking at women. I'm not sexually attracted to women. But at this point in my life, I really see different types of beauty, whereas before I was totally driven by the media conception that only white, full-breasted, skinny women are beautiful or should be in magazines.

GREG: I'm not sure exactly when, but I also began to rethink what and whom I found attractive. On the other hand, I also feel frustrated as an Asian man, because I feel like it's not reciprocated. I feel that Asian women, in this society, are privileged above Asian men; there's a mainstream acceptance of Asian women in the media that men don't have. I feel that a lot of Asian women are not sensitive to that. My sister once said to me that she would not date an Asian man because they are either geeks or assholes. I think that's a cover for denial, self-loathing, for the desire to assimilate, not to face the pain of being Asian. On the other hand, it's a valid cry against the heritage of sexism that is in Asian families and that a lot of Asian men don't have to deal with.

ANDREW: Chris, do you date Asian men?

CHRIS: I've only dated white men. I can only speak as an observer, but the vast majority of gay Asian men I have seen primarily like white men. I think the highly attractive, most eligible gay Asian men, are not looking for another gay Asian man, but rather are hoping or waiting or searching for their white prince to come.

STEVE: From what I see, most gay people are white, so it's a little harder to find partners of your own race.

RICHARD: Do you find Asian men attractive?

STEVE: There's a difference between what I could see as attractive or what I'm attracted to. I've never dated or had any relations with anyone who is Asian, but I've found something interesting. I think all the guys whom I have had relationships with have never before dated an Asian guy, but after me, dated an Asian guy.

ANDREW: So you kind of break them in. It's funny, because I've always wished that there were white women who want to objectify Asian men. But on the flip side, it really wrangles me when I see Asian women who only go out with Caucasian men. On a personal level, it feels like a rejection, and it's deflating, because it's something that you want, but it also raises some of those issues about self-hatred. And it's hard to separate your own feelings from judging women and saying that they are not in touch with their feelings.

STEVE: There's such a heavy influence of media, in print and advertising, the acceptance of Asian women and the lack of acceptance of Asian men, just sticking us more into closets and desexualizing us. It seem like we are kind of getting into the range of accepting Asian males. We have one Asian male model who we see in those magazines. But also, there are some Asian descended men out there like Keanu Reeves and Dean Cain, but they are very white-looking, and they don't identify at all with their Asian culture. They are accepted as sex symbols, but not at all for being Asian. People don't even know.

ANDREW: It seems like some of the ideas of masculinity are getting a little flexible. But I think overall, the thrust for a long time has been to feminize Asian men. That's something I always had a chip on my shoulder about. I felt like I had to overcompensate, to prove that I could be assertive and play sports and be a ladies' man. That's something I am coming to terms with, but something that I overcompensated for for a long time.

CHRIS: Just being conscious of the fact that I was overcompensating, I began to think that perhaps it was not really necessary. I didn't have to prove anything to the partners I was with. I can't be held accountable for the rest of the white world's preconceived, heinous stereotypes. I have to look at individuals and trust that they are interested in relationships based on reciprocity and equality.

VICTOR: I've compensated by trying to develop in such a way that I'd be valued for my skill, because I couldn't be valued for my might. I hated the locker room, and I still hate it. I think it has to do with being in a culture where big is better. I think big is better, but less is more. Automatically, if you walk into the locker room and have a smaller penis than the guy next to you, you are inferior. I don't get it.

STEVE: Just being Asian and being in the lockerroom, people see you're Asian and then look to see if that's true. It's one thing we all have to deal with.

GREG: I know that with the last woman who I dated, I was very conscious of being a good lover, sensitive, always listening. It was important to me that she always had an orgasm when we had sex. I felt like there was something to be proven of Asian men. Her previous relationship was with a white man, and I felt, like, I've always been tempted to ask her to compare us. Going back to what you brought up, I feel like in a sense it is true that Asian men probably have smaller penises than black men. So, is the point to argue against that? We shouldn't let it be the thing that breaks us. There needs to be a redefinition of what masculinity is. I remember a performance I did in the nude, which was about beauty, physical beauty as a human being. I realize that when I go out there, some people who come to the performance with the belief that Asian men have small penises will look at me and say, "It's true." I don't know what to do with that. I just kind of held my breath and went on.

VICTOR: I'm sometimes in the locker room. I go in there and I change and shower. And I, like you said, hold my breath. I know that I'm challenging myself every time I do it, to overcome a certain sense of inferiority. Part of me believes it's a myth, that I need not have it. But somehow it's in me. It got put there, and I don't exactly know where it came from.

CHRIS: It has struck me, in some ways, that Asian American men, both gay and straight, are natural allies. They would want to, in terms of interests, act in concert in a movement for sexual liberation, in terms of what we can do to transform masculinity. It seems a lot of what is psychically oppressive to Asian men, namely the whole sexual hierarchy, is based upon very rigid gender roles.

STEVE: I think what's important for the future is our representation in the media. I think with just being out there, people like Michael Chang or Keanu Reeves, acknowledging that they're Asian or of Asian heritage. Having more people in that scene. People seeing Asian men as normal and attractive is extremely important. We have to force ourselves not to accept the passivity we've been accustomed to.

Response to the roundtable was so enthusiastic, we decided to do it again. This time we wanted to delve even deeper than the last three hours allowed. Holiday-season obligations, unfortunately, kept Chris and Andrew from participating in Round Two. But Steve, Greg, Victor and Richard were joined by a newcomer, Dave, 27, a straight, Chinese American advertising creative director and filmmaker.

RICHARD: The first thing we talked about last time was what it feels like to be in a room with Asian men.

DAVE: I can tell you how I feel. I was born in Spanish Harlem and I was raised in Queens. I had a very diverse group of friends, more black friends than I had white, and more white friends than Chinese, Korean, or Japanese. But ironically, my closest friends growing up were Chinese, Korean, and Japanese.

STEVE: Has your sexual experience been limited to one race?

DAVE: Nope. But I've had two relationships in the past, two major relationships. One lasted almost four-and-a-half years. The first was to an English/Italian woman, the second was Italian/Czech. They were very intense relationships. Each time, I had problems with their parents because of my ethnicity.

STEVE: Did that make you feel like you didn't want to be Asian?

DAVE: Actually, in no instance did I feel like I didn't want to be Asian. I mean, I'm an avid basketball player, and I always feel that I'm the last one to be picked. But it helped me. I became stronger that way, I played harder and I got better. One guy nicknamed me Brandon Lee, another called me The Crow. You can laugh at it. You can look at it in two ways, as an insult or as a compliment. And the way that they meant it is as a genuine compliment.

GREG: Could you flip backwards and dunk?

DAVE: Naw. I tried that, and it didn't work.

VICTOR: We're talking about Asian men's issues and Asian male sexuality, and I'm saying to myself, I don't really have a clear concept of that. I mean, in many ways, I have found South Asian male sexuality, especially in South Asian films, somewhat laughable, or sentimental. I don't think I really have a South Asian male hero that I can say embodies sexuality, embodies maleness. In all parts of Asian, in the imagery and the literature, it's highly erotic and sexual. But somehow its influence and impact on us as Asian men in the West doesn't seem to be there.

DAVE: I read somewhere that like, only 3 percent of the American population is Asian. And I know through doing advertising that there's practically no advertising done towards Asians. I mean, I've worked on commercials, and if you're lucky if you see two black people in them. I modeled for two-and-a-half years. It was very hard, my first year, to get work. You take underwear advertising, any type of sexual advertising, take Tyson for instance. You have yet to see him do one piece of underwear modeling for Ralph Lauren. But you've seen Marky Mark. In general, the underwear models are all white.

VICTOR: It's actually startling, to wonder why there are no images in this culture of Asian men. I mean, let's face it, we don't sell. That's the message.

STEVE: They don't put us out there, so we don't sell.

VICTOR: But why aren't we out there? The Asian consumer is very important. I mean, if Asian males were perceived as having some kind of sexual power, we would be up there.

DAVE: I think the reason why we're ignored is because we're perceived to have no voice, politically speaking, socially. We may be out there, we may be spending the money. You've got a lot of young Asian Americans who are into fashion; they've got Calvin Klein, they've got Hilfiger, Polo Sport, all this other stuff. Most of them are probably first generation. They're looking not toward that Asian image, but toward that American image, which reinforces the thinking that we don't need to sell them this, because they're not buying it themselves.

GREG: The refusal to perceive Asian men as sexual beings, I think, has important political consequences. Sexuality itself is so much connected to power. The way white, dominant culture attributes sexuality to blacks and to Asians is indicative of how it tries to deal with people in terms of power. In war, soldiers kill the men and rape the women. I think it is an explanation of why Asian women are appropriated, or accepted, in mainstream culture and not Asian men. Because if you deny them sexual power, you deny them power, period.

RICHARD: There were those postcards a couple of years ago. On the front, there were Asian men basically wearing nothing except an American flag draped across their private parts, and it said, "Made in the U.S.A." It created a lot of uproar, but it made me realize: Why do we have to compare ourselves to an image of a tall, white person with a big dick, who has blue eyes and blond hair, whatever? I mean, that's nothing I am. I was figuring out for myself that being dark, having black hair, being short, brown, was beautiful. I never considered that while I was growing up.

DAVE: One day, it was my friend's bachelor party, and we were in a strip club. This one waitress came up to us, my friend and I, and said, "You know, you're really not bad-looking for an oriental man." I remember that I stared at her right in the face. There must have been a minute of silence. And she said, "You know, a thank you will suffice." I was saying to myself, how many bouncers are in here? Maybe I could just smack this girl.

VICTOR: I think there is a deep self-hatred that Asians in this country carry around. I think it's more desirable for upwardly-mobile, middle-class Asian Americans to assimilate, to get out, not to stay ethnic. You've got to put as much business as you can between that ethnic identity and yourself if you're going to somehow make it in America.

RICHARD: Do you think that happened to you? I mean, in marrying...

VICTOR: Oh, absolutely. The fact that I married a white woman, it was proof that I arrived. I know that by marrying a white American woman, I was being validated as a man. It wouldn't have been the same kind of validation if I had been with a first-generation South Asian woman who was going to Queens College and living in Jackson Heights.

GREG: I'm thinking about my father, and in terms of sexuality, I don't think I've ever tried to learn what it is to be a man from him. I really tried to learn not to be what he was.

VICTOR: I did not think of my father as a particularly masculine man. He didn't embody the qualities I thought a man should have. He was short, he was soft-spoken, he would avoid any kind of physical confrontation. Now I believe he actually believes in non-violence as a philosophical and spiritual principle. What I got from him was a certain pride in knowing that there was a higher ground. I did take that from him, and I essentially live by that principle myself. There is a different way to think about your relationship to the world, to nature, to other people, and to your body. The spiritual practices are ancient and run deep in the culture. That is my strength as an Asian male. I still have to battle this other fear, this other sense of inadequacy. I don't have what it takes by those standards, to punch the other guy out, to smack somebody if they insult my girlfriend.

STEVE: My dad ran into problems when he was dating my mom. My Asian grandfather had called up my white grandparents when my dad was first going to meet them, and told them before he got there, that my dad was just using her for sex until he found an Asian girl. He got there and said, "Hi." And they said, "GET OUT!" That's the time he rejected his parents and kind of denied his Asian heritage.

RICHARD: How was that growing up? You had an Asian dad and a white mom.

STEVE: The story of their meeting is very interesting. My dad's a doctor and my mom's a nurse. She was pushing along this corpse at the morgue. It started to slide off, and she tried to grab it, but it was this big, fat guy. So he put the fat guy back on the table and got her number. When he called up the nursing dormitory, the women said, "Sheila, Chinaman's on the phone." He asked her out and she said okay. He said, "I have a friend, too." She asked the others, "Does anyone want to double date?" "Another Chinaman?" they asked. "He's Jewish," my dad said. Both of the couples who went on that double date got married.

RICHARD: It must have been much fiercer for your dad then than now.

STEVE: They were rejected from apartments. People would stare at them when they were on the street. People would ask her if she needed help. They would ask her where she borrowed her children from. "Did you get these kids from the Indian reservation?" I pretty much saw in my father a lot of the negative qualities I saw in men in general. He grew up smack-in-the-face with anti-Asian racism, and he fought it really hard. He became very macho, aggressive. He'd just come home and get angry and yell, throw things, hit us, or go to sleep. And he didn't treat my mom very well. So I projected onto him all the negative qualities of a man, and from that I projected that into being Asian. I just looked to myself, to my friends or to the movies to see that I thought of as being good in a man. So I pretty much took the moral highground from the macho aggressiveness and said I was above that. I made my own life.

VICTOR: My father wanted authority at home. My mother was second fiddle to him, no question about it. He definitely inherited that from his father, that you have to be in charge and you have this authority given to you by god, practically, because you're the man.

STEVE: I see that is pervasive in Asian society, and I don't think that's necessary anymore.

GREG: I felt a lot of anger towards my father. I saw his sexism and how it hurt my mother, and I resented that. My first meaningful and deep relationship with a woman, I didn't have until college. In terms of creating my sense of masculinity, it reflected off the relationship, how I related to her. I didn't want to be the kind of man my father was. I wanted to be gentle and egalitarian. I wanted to be sensitive.

STEVE: It's hard to identify with being dominant when you're being dominated.

GREG: He was at times violent towards his children and towards my mother. For years I really struggled with that. Also, he was not a good teacher as a parent. I didn't feel like he raised us or taught us well. He wasn't very communicative. He was very silent.

DAVE: He expected you to know...

GREG: Yeah, and he didn't really teach you. Just by aggression. And he didn't deal with his emotions very well. He just took it out on us. I'm not supportive of hanging on to those qualities of Asian male sexuality that are abusive and hurtful to women. But I think it's important to somehow bridge Asian culture and life here, because I feel like the easiest thing to do would be to adopt the white culture. It doesn't hurt as much. It's hard to tell children growing up, "don't try to be white."

DAVE: I want to talk about fetishes.

VICTOR: I react strongly to erotic images. I'm very turned on by seeing women wearing panties and just seeing the area between her thighs. And feet. I have this tremendous attraction to feet. I find feet enormously...

STEVE: Dirty?

VICTOR: Erotic. I love kissing feet and sucking toes.

STEVE: After the shower?

VICTOR: I don't discriminate between dirty and...the state of cleanliness.

DAVE: I just like the way they look. Ugly feet are ugly feet, but a nice looking foot is a nice looking foot. Manicure and pedicure and all that stuff. I think dark skin, you know, that olive skin? I like really short hair, sort of, like, boyish.

STEVE: So do I.

DAVE: I like jet black hair, or platinum blond. I was actually platinum blond for six months. It was painful.

RICHARD: I can remember the first time I saw a porn film, it seemed vulgar and nasty. To see men with huge penises and women with totally big tits and asses and stuff, it just totally disgusted me. I just thought it was so repulsive.

VICTOR: I can't comfortably look at porn.

DAVE: I can.

VICTOR: I don't really find it a turn on. I feel like I'm a spectator of someone else's fun. I'm much more turned on by the suggestion or intonation of sex. I don't understand when people, as couples, watch porn together. I know some heterosexual couples who do this as a way of getting turned on. I've never done it, and I just can't relate to that.

STEVE: When I was younger, my dad had left this stack of porn magazines with big tits and asses in your face and closeups of genitalia. I used to get excited by the women in those photographs. I think it's because they were illicit, I wasn't supposed to see it. It was a secret thing.

GREG: I saw my first explicit film about gay sexuality this summer. There were a lot of explicit sexual acts, and at one point I found myself actually having an erection. But if I tried to imagine myself having sex with a man, what I think I would fee, I would be repulsed by it. I don't recall a moment when I've looked at a man and felt desire. But when I saw the film, maybe it was just the eroticism displayed that I was responding to, not so much seeing a man's body.

STEVE: Has anyone else seen gay porn?

VICTOR: I've seen magazines. I respond fairly neutrally. It hasn't been much of a turn-on, but it also hasn't been a turnoff. I know that I find men attractive. But it doesn't translate into a sexual desire.

STEVE: When I was first coming out and dealing with sex, I was kind of turned off by the whole thing, a guy and a guy. The whole seduction, the approach, everything just freaked me out. The first time I went to a bar and saw guys dancing, bumping, and grinding, I was like, "Oh my god! What is this!"

VICTOR: I've had very intimate friendships that could easily have gone in a sexual direction. With straight men, it was just like a mutual contract. You just don't go there. In the case of one particular gay man that I've been close to, I prevented myself from becoming physically intimate. It was just one step away. But I never did that. He was perfectly willing to respect all of my limits. It was very safe. But it was like a prohibition. This is something you don't do.

STEVE: (choosing another question.) Have you ever wished that you were a woman?

VICTOR: Shockingly, I have never wished that. I've always seen women as my opposite and the object of my desire. But I never want to be the object of my desire.

GREG: Masturbation. I think that is sort of like being the object of your own desire.

STEVE: Masturbation is homosexuality.

GREG: No, I didn't say that.

STEVE: Because you're the object of your own desire.

RICHARD: Where is your erogenous zone?

DAVE: I know I enjoy being touched on the back. I like massages. I enjoy that whole experience.

RICHARD: Is your penis your most sensitive area?

DAVE: I guess it is. But I'm trying to move to other things besides the obvious when I'm with someone I genuinely care about. When I really, really feel so much for her, my sensitivity overall...it doesn't really matter where she touches me. My whole body is very sensitive, very responsive to any sort of touch.

VICTOR: Can you have sex and feel satisfied without ejaculating?

DAVE: Sure. When I was younger, I had plenty of one-night things where you just get off and get out. But I'm not about that. I get a lot of satisfaction out of giving pleasure.

VICTOR: If I'm having sex, it's hard for me not to have an orgasm. I want to go to that point. I get antsy. It raises my tension level if I don't have one.

GREG: I enjoy having sex without orgasming, but orgasm is where all that intense energy is. If I stop before, it's like I'm on my way up, and it doesn't feel as satisfying.

DAVE: The trick is to maintain it. That's multiple orgasm for guys.

STEVE: Have you guys given oral sex, and do you like it?

RICHARD: That's one of the best things, I think.

DAVE: Eating someone out.

RICHARD: To stick your penis in a woman's vagina is still very precious in a heterosexual relationship, but at the same time, the tongue is like this extension of you. It's another powerful tool.

VICTOR: Masturbation has never been a very big thing with me. I always feel very flat after I do it. I feel there's an emptiness to it. I came to masturbation late. I don't think I really masturbated in any real way until I was in my 20s. It's strange, because I had sexual experiences relatively young, intercourse when I was 16.

RICHARD: I never even though about it until I was watching the movie The Right Stuff. There was that one scene where he's masturbating because he needs to have a sperm sample. And I was saying, "What is he doing?" And I couldn't sleep, because I was thinking about that the whole time. Everybody had this thing in school. "You masturbate. I know you do, because you look like the type who masturbates." "No! No! I don't!" And when I did, I felt so guilty.

STEVE: Does your girlfriend masturbate as well?

RICHARD: Actually, there were some times when I thought, that's a really long shower!

VICTOR: In a lot of heterosexual fantasy, I think prostitution is a big one. I know it was with me. Certainly the fantasy of a woman being available just for sex.

GREG: I don't think it's wrong. I just don't find it attractive or desirable. I can't imagine myself having sex with someone I don't know.

DAVE: Why should you pay for sex? It just doesn't do it for me. I wouldn't get aroused. I'd be like, "Give me my money back!"

STEVE: Do you guys have lesbian fantasies?

DAVE: I had a menage a trois. Twin sisters. Identical. I was seeing one of them, and somehow the other got on top.

STEVE: What?!

RICHARD: Somehow? Was she like, hey can I borrow your toothpaste?

DAVE: I had no idea what was going on. First I freaked when I saw another set of hands on me.Then they just kind of laid me back. You catch on quick and just get into it.

STEVE: I would never like to do anything with my brother or my sister.

DAVE: No, they weren't really into each other. The focus was on me.

GREG: The first time I had sex, we did foreplay for two hours.

RICHARD: You didn't ejaculate for two hours?

STEVE: Actually, once I was in the same bed with another guy, and we had foreplay from 8 at night until the next morning, when I had to get up and go to class. We did not sleep at all, and neither of us ejaculated. I think I had the biggest case of blueballs ever.

VICTOR: Have you ever had sex with a woman?

STEVE: No. I once was on a couch kissing a woman and I did get erect. I was thinking, "God, can I do this?" But I would never want to experiment with a woman just to experiment with a woman.

RICHARD: What's the one thing you'd like to do before you die?

VICTOR: One thing I'd like to do before I go is be in a lasting relationship, above all else, to have a life partner whom I feel connected to, physically, spiritually...all of it.

STEVE: I think for me, one of the biggest fears probably is having found a perfect relationship and then fucking it up. That's a huge fear. It's not a realized fear.

DAVE: In my family, there's a huge communication and cultural gap, as far as what my parents believe in and what they aspire me to be. When I was younger, my father used to be ashamed of me and used to compare all the Asian kids together. I was really good in art, I was very athletic, but everybody else was an amazing piano player or something like that. You don't know whether to please yourself or please your family. Even now, I'm still faced with this, probably will be forever. The great thing is, every time I achieve something that is worthy of recognition, my father recognizes it, and my mother too. The more you go along, the more they shut up.

GREG: I fear that when my parents get old, there will be no one to provide for them. They've been struggling with their business for the past few years, they have tremendous debt. I will be their safety net. It's been a big factor in thinking about pursuing a performing career. Actually, my parents think I'm applying to medical school right now. I feel terrible, but I lied to them. There was so much pressure from them.

RICHARD (reading aloud): "Describe the perfect relationship." Boy, I guess you hit that one on the nose. The relationship that I'm in feels like this is the one. We've contemplated: Are we going to get married yet? She's older than me, at a different place than I am. I say, "You're going to marry an artist. I don't have any money." "Then get a job, a real job." I'm at that point where tomorrow, I'm going to be doing the corporate thing, and I'm freaking out. But a part of me is saying that I have to take on that responsibility, not that I'm going to give up my artistry, but if I want to share something, it means everything, all of the baggage that comes along with it. We learn from each other, and I think that's what makes this so important: the differences. She's Chinese and I'm Filipino, she is an immigrant and I was born here, she knows her own language and I don't. Sometimes we are at each others' throats. But literally, we are always thinking about the same things. All those things make this relationship seem like it could be...

STEVE: How would you know?

DAVE: You just know. You feel it.

RICHARD: Time is a big thing.

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Getting It ... If You're Asian

You’re born. You slide out of your mother’s sex, oblivious to her pain, and covered with the memory of your father’s sex inside that cavern nine months before - give or take a little whether you’re premature - pounding your clenched knuckles out into the world saying let me out let me out – or a bit late, wanting a bit more of that embryonic pillow, a touch more shut-eye.

The years afterwards fly by without too much importance until the body’s chemistry signals it to change into a new form. You get acne and oily skin and wonder years later why people insist that as an Asian you have a perfect complexion. Then the harder part, and softer ones too. You become man. You become woman. You become adult, nearly. Biologically, yes. Old enough to make a few babies yourself no matter what society says and how much longer marriages and childbirth are delayed.

The question (for now at least, not the only question, just one of the questions but not a bad one to focus on) is: how do you get it? How do you go about getting it?

You won’t even try to go about defining what “it” is.

First, check out your lineage. Were your parents the kind that never talked about it? Did they ever show physical affection in front of you? Did they do ballroom dancing in the living room and cha-cha-cha in the bedroom? Make the bedsprings creak? Were they actually having a lot more sex than you ever knew about? Sorry. I know you didn’t want to think about that. Especially if you pictured it.

But it is an important consideration. A happy marriage can be a good model for a happy partnership which might include good sex. Feuding parents might mean you have brutal distant sex filled with fears of betrayal and abandonment. Horny parents might mean you’re comfortable with your body and you might be an early bloomer yourself. Shy parents might mean it might take you forever to get it. You might not even know that you want it.

A close family might mean your need for it gets replaced by this big kind of Asian Brady Bunch feeling and you don’t really have time to think much about it, because you’re permanently locked into the role of Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter or Bobby. Only Asian, like Margaret Cho’s family on TV except all the same race and maybe a bit funnier in real life. Or it might mean a lack of space and opportunity since when are you going to get it when you’ll live at home until you’re 30 and maybe you share a room.

If your family is too close, it might drive you away. It might make you become that bad girl or boy they fear, you delving in it like a teenager into a mosh-pit. You differentiate yourself from your parents by giving into something wholly different from their chaste worlds. You try perfume but give it up, hoping you’ll smell of the sex you’re having, the scent a little different with each partner.

There might be a few black sheep in the family. Lesbian grand-aunt. Playboy uncle. Wild-child cousin. The relation that became a sex worker and no one talks about. The other one that moved away and has umpteen kids. The one with the record for number of marriages and divorces. They are all parts of a painting of possibilities, their genes and yours might be the same, you might get it the same way they do.

Did you get fucked up by the kids at school? Perhaps. If they thought you’d get laid at all, they tried to match you up with the only other Asian in your class. You’d look great with Jimmy/Carol! You were the funny man, the joker girl, the best friend, the class brain. Kids didn’t flirt with you, you didn’t flirt with them. Early sex is for trashy white/brown/black kids anyways. Anyways, by now, you’ve gotten over this. Maybe.

Put your hand to your heart. OK. Woman? If so, that’s a bit harder. Woman pick up reputations like a static-charged TV screen attracts dust. If you want it, you’re going to be have to be either more brazen than most people, or much more discreet. Women aren’t allowed to want it, really. You’re sexual without being aggressive, flirtatious without being hungry. Not like men, penises with gray matter attached.

You’ll probably get it through the romantic route. Perhaps a careful negotiation with someone that you decide you like. Maybe you’ll learn each other’s bodies like favourite picture books you had as kids. You lick the drawing of the ice cream cone just to see if it has flavour.

If you’re attracted to women, it might be easier. Tender. Nurturing. Meet your lover at a dinner party thrown by a mutual friend. Or at the fruit and vegetable co-op, the bookstore, the women’s night at the gay club, a political meeting. Lesbians aren’t outwardly as sexual (not like the ones in straight men’s imaginations) but close those bedroom doors and bang. Baby, you’ve got it.

If you’re attracted to men. Well, men are nothing but trouble. Do you go for an Asian guy? Your parents might love that. You might even love it too, having figured out that for you, love comes from sharing histories, having things in common, understanding each other. Men are so inexplicable, why make it even harder by choosing someone a little different. Or maybe you just like that smooth skin and jet-black hair. Mmmmm.

Do you go for a white guy? There are a lot of them. Do you have to avoid the ones that have a reputation for going for Asian women, the ones with fantasies of dragon ladies, geisha girls, anatomically flexible Thai bar girls? The ones your girlfriends pointed out to each other at university and said watch out. You go out on a date. You find it slightly suspicious that his favourite movie is “the Joy Luck Club” and he knows not to douse his meal with soy sauce. You’d actually find that cute if he did that.

Maybe somewhere down the line, you’ve already gotten it, but you want more of it. You’re in a relationship already but the heat has been turned down, past medium, lower than simmer, it’s barely on at all. You can touch your finger to the burner and not scald your skin. That could be the time for an affair, complicated and careful work like an advanced bonsai course: a lot of waiting, a bit of trimming, wondering if what you’re doing will turn into the right form. If it does, good. You’ve got it. Dangerously.

Put your hand to your heart. Man? OK. What are you going to do? Who are going to go for? How much do you listen to your parents anyways? Have you considered if you’re attracted to people on the basis of their race? Do you go for Asians, whites, or others (see above)? Or does it not matter? How can race not matter? Your whole life, people have treated you differently on that basis. How can it not slide over to dangerous sexual matters?

Did you absorb those stereotypes? Do you consider yourself less handsome for the shade of your skin? That the images of public figures that you’ve seen who look like you are classical musicians, kung-fu masters and TV chefs. Why isn’t Brad Pitt Asian? Why did you get stuck with this body that seems so slight in comparison with those other, bigger races? If Asian men are suppose to be so sexless, why are there billions of people in China?
Regardless of race or gender, if you want to get it, you have to know that you want it. Be confident. Be obsessed even. Not too obsessed, not so you start to leer and grunt at inappropriate occasions, but enough to observe what’s going on about you, to notice what works and what doesn’t work, when a direct approach is going to get you the prize, or when you have to be more circumspect.

Listen. If you really want it, maybe you should consider being a gay male. Not all gay men get it, and gay asian men have a few of their own trees fallen in a storm across a highway when you want to get to Memphis. But yes, gay men can get a lot of it, if they want. It’s an odd trade-off between the pleasure of the senses and social equality, but some don’t mind it. You’ll have to contend with the same things straight people do – stereotypes, racism – or maybe even more. The gay sexual economy rates Asians pretty low. You might even have to make sure you’re in the right geographical location. I mean, if you’re in a small town in the middle of the Canada and you’re the only Chinese family for miles, it’s not like people are going to see you and think va-va-voom. They’ll think: restaurants, laundries, corner stores. Or maybe they’ll think: immigration, difference, strangers. You’ll probably have to move somewhere bigger.

It’s true. People get used to people in larger numbers. For a city to love Asians (and that includes sexually), there should be a lot of Asians. It’s likely that in between that stage of one Asian family and a whole population, there will be growing pains. Maybe best not to be there during that period. But it’s like food, which is rather a bit like sex, the same vocabulary of appetite, satiation, sensory overload, indulgence. Say there’s one crappy Thai restaurant, it can serve anything it wants because no one knows the difference. Then say there’s a few more restaurants, a bit of competition, a few more seats, more people familiar with lemon grass and fluffy catfish. Then suddenly there’s a craze. People are wild for Thai food, they can’t get enough, connoisseurs appear. Sometimes, it’s just about familiarity.

I guess you could always just go to Asia to get it. I mean not only are Asians attracted to other Asians because they’re surrounded by them, but that extra caché, that smell of Norte Americanismo might make you even more the centre of attention. Be among your people, and be different at the same time. Have your cake, or custard tart, or Malaysian steam cake, or mango pudding. Eat it too.

There’s always bisexuality. It’s a bit more complicated than it sounds, but why not double your chances for a date on a Saturday night?

If you’re still not getting it, maybe you should lower your expectations. Or your standards. Become promiscuous. Tell people that the word “promiscuous” is going out of style and has been replaced by the word “prolific.” Is there something so bad about it? As long as you’re safe and don’t get nasty bug-a-boos and it doesn’t interfere with your ability to love, really love, someone else. What’s the problem?

Of course, all differences should be respected, and maybe you don’t really care about whether you get it or not. And that’s OK.

Or maybe you get it as often and as much as you want. Forget you ever read this.
Quan is the author of the recent short fiction collection “Calendar Boy” (New Star Books) and the poetry collection “Slant” (Nightwood Editions). His erotic writing has appeared in the Best Gay Erotica series (Cleis Press), Quickies 1 & 2 (Arsenal Pulp Press) among other places. Born in Vancouver, he currently lives in Sydney, Australia.

By Andy Quan
Ricepaper
Spring 2002

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Tasteless or Tone-Deaf?

Open the April issue of Details magazine to page 52, and you'll find a parody titled "Gay or Asian?" A young Asian guy strikes a pose in his white V-neck T-shirt, Dolce & Gabbana suede jacket, $400 Evisu jeans, and metallic sneakers. He has strapped a Louis Vuitton bag across his shoulder and set a pair of Dior sunglasses atop his spiky hair. (Here's the page in question, from AsianMediaWatchdog.com.)

The writer, Whitney McNally, proposes how to tell the difference between gays and Asians -- though, since the guy is clearly Asian, the question really is: "Gay Asian or Straight Asian?"

What follows is for mature audiences only:

"One cruises for chicken; the other takes it General Tso-style," McNally writes. "Whether you're into shrimp balls, or shaved balls, entering the dragon requires imperial tastes. So choke up on your chopsticks, and make sure your labels are showing. Study hard, Grasshopper: A sharp eye will always take home the plumpest eel."

In a letter to the magazine's editor, the Asian American Journalists Association condemned the article for "its reduction of two minority groups to grab bags of demeaning stereotypes." The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation said: "As Details gets to know the diversity of both LGBT [Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender] and API [Asian Pacific Islander] people, this piece loses its truth -- and thereby its humor value."

Now, I could say that "Gay or Asian?" is a racist and homophobic piece of garbage in a lame men's magazine, and leave it at that.

But no matter how offensive the article is, it's also a useful study in stereotypes. It sheds light on why we as journalists need to be vigilant not only in eliminating stereotypes from our coverage, but also in pointing them out when they arise in popular culture.

* * *

The "Gay or Asian?" piece is one in a series. The magazine has also compared and contrasted gays with Brits, Democratic frontrunners, Jesus, preppies, and magicians.

The April parody lists stereotypical attributes of the Asian male: sunglasses that amplify "inscrutable affect," "delicate features refreshed by a cup of hot tea," a jacket that "keeps the last samurai warm," a T-shirt that "showcases sashimi-smooth chest," and "lady-boy fingers ... perfect for both waxing on and waxing off." At the same time, the piece barrages us with sexual innuendo that pokes fun at gays.

Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that Details' editors are not unenlightened Neanderthals. I have a couple of theories about why they would find the stereotypes in "Gay or Asian?" acceptable.

* The Cool Minority Theory. It's cool to be gay -- consider the popularity of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," "Will and Grace," and all those metrosexuals in your office. It's cool to be Asian -- Chow-Yun Fat, Jet Li, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, Margaret Cho, and Yao Ming are fast becoming pop culture icons. So if these minority groups are hip, beautiful, and popular, why can't Details, which seeks to be the arbiter of cool, make fun of their quirks?
* The Model Minority Theory. Gays and Asians are perceived as doing well in American society. By and large, they're well-educated. They work hard. They make money. It's not like Details is kicking people when they're down, right?
* The Trophy Asian Boyfriend Theory. A few years ago, Esther Pan of Newsweek wrote a story suggesting that Asian men had become a hot commodity on the dating scene. Asian men, after all, are smart, genuine, respectful, studious, and hardworking, the article posited. "It's almost like Asian boyfriends are the fashion accessory of the moment," one woman joked. Well, if we embrace those "positive" stereotypes, Details' editors could argue, what's the harm in pointing out Asian men's delicate features and smooth chests?
* The William Hung Theory. America has embraced William Hung, a college student who went on "American Idol" and mangled Ricky Martin's "She Bangs." We love Hung because he's a sweet kid who took his best shot at stardom. But I think many of us were also laughing at him, because of the negative Asian stereotypes he represented: a nerd with buck teeth who speaks in accented English. Certainly, there's a whiff of "let's make fun of the foreigner" here. What kind of message does that send would-be parodists? Perhaps that Asians are fair game for ridicule. (For more insight, read Jimi Izrael.)
* The Social Commentary Theory. The usual defense of parodies such as "Gay or Asian?" is that they are so over the top, it should be clear that the writer and editors don't buy into the stereotypes, but instead are producing social commentary. It's a stretch, but maybe the editors are showing the interplay between racial and sexual stereotypes. Or maybe they're showing how a homophobic society constantly looks for clues, no matter how absurd, of gayness in a person. But that's assuming way too much intelligence on their part.

* * *

What should we as journalists take away from all of this?

* Applying a "cool minority" or "model minority" label to a group is not doing that group any favors. In fact, it makes that group exotic and unknowable, and pits it against other minority groups. And it certainly doesn't give others the license to publish offensive stereotypes about that group.
* Be aware that even positive stereotypes ("Asians are hard working, gays are creative") can be harmful, because they allow us to think of and treat minority groups as cardboard characters rather than complicated human beings.
* Watch out for the xenophobia underlying the clichés we sometimes use when covering Asians and Hispanics. The Details piece refers to "General Tso," "grasshopper," "chopsticks," "samurai," "sashimi," "koto," "Kendo stick," "bonsai," "Pink Lady." These terms make the Asian dude a foreign Other, even though he's probably all-American.
* Social commentary about racial and sexual stereotypes is important. We need to talk about these ideas and not be afraid of them. But that commentary -- serious or funny -- needs to come from experience, knowledge, and pain. All of which were sorely lacking in the Details piece.

By Thomas T. Huang
©2004 PoynterOnline
April 12, 2004

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Gay or Asian?

A few months ago Details, the metrosexual men’s magazine, ran a feature called “Gay or Asian?” as part of its regular section that points out the similarities between gay male stereotypes and other cultural stereotypes. But unlike in previous issues, with features such as “Gay or Eurotrash?” and “Gay or Jesus?” that ran with little to no complaint, the magazine was surprised to see thousands of angry e-mails from subscribers and activists criticizing their latest choice.

“Gay or Asian?” sparked a rare fury not only from the gay community and the gay Asian community but the larger Asian community as well. The reason should be painfully apparent. Asians are one of the least represented racial groups in media, having to continually settle for tiresome stereotypical roles as the exotic seductress or the martial arts master. Asian males in particular are probably the least represented racial group of all when taking into consideration our percentage of the U.S. population.

Because of this underrepresentation, any depiction is crucial to either confirming or destroying common stereotypes. When Details compares the stereotypical gay male and the stereotypical Asian male by writing “one cruises for chicken; the other takes it General Tso–style,” it isn’t just a harmless joke—there’s nothing on TV or in the movies to counterbalance that point. The satire, the very title of which suggests that one cannot be gay and Asian, could well have shaped the only image that a reader has of Asian-Americans.

Obviously, what makes this country great is that we can all say whatever we want, even if it’s heinous. Our so-called president says ridiculous things about John Kerry, Iraq, the economy, and gay families all the time, and unfortunately we have to listen (though only until November, I hope). The key to combating stereotypes is to target the source rather than the symptoms of the misinformation. In terms of the presidency, that means voting. In terms of Asian-Americans, that means gaining representation.

How this is done, of course, is the real question. There’s no easy answer. In a world where Asian female news anchors are frequently paired with a white male anchor but never the other way around, the recent comedy film Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle is an anomaly. It breaks the standard Hollywood formula to bring us two unlikely heroes—both of whom are Asian-American (one Indian-American and one Korean-American)—searching for the perfect burgers to ease a serious case of the late-night munchies.

What I especially liked about Harold and Kumar was its systematic confrontation and denial of all the Asian male stereotypes I’ve come to despise: specifically, that Asians don’t have fun, think about sex, or have to work hard because we’re all geniuses. I found it refreshing to finally see someone on the big screen who looked like me—someone who, in some ways, I could look up to.

Yet what I found disheartening was the film’s use of homophobia as a major part of its comedy. Though not mean-spirited in nature, there are several scenes that attack and stereotype gay males. When Kumar stops to relieve himself in the woods, a man who is evidently looking for anonymous sex suddenly appears. Later, a male nurse hits on Kumar. For the sake of laughs, both characters play on the perception that gay males are sex-crazed and incapable of self-control.

This is an unfortunate symptom of trying to separate one stereotype from another. Perhaps by being homophobic, Harold and Kumar is attempting to combat the perception of the effeminate Asian male. But it is sad that in order to liberate one underrepresented group, Harold and Kumar must attack another.

I feel that move is largely uncharacteristic of the spirit of the film, considering that throughout the movie there is a real sense of rooting for the underdog. Who knows better than gays and lesbians what it’s like to feel less than human? In several scenes, Harold is taunted by a group of punks as being weak and girly. I’m certain that there are many gay men, regardless of race, who can relate to that kind of frustrating situation.

In the end Harold and Kumar’s depiction of gay males didn’t completely ruin the movie for me. I left the theater happy finally to see two Asian males take the lead roles in a major motion picture and really run with it. Even though the film does fall back on some rather easy stereotypes, it combats many others about Asian males, so much so that the movie remains positive in my mind.

I guess my conflicting responses only go to show that we really can be both gay and Asian.

By Ryan James Kim
©2004 The Advocate
August 10, 2004

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